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Question
I need advise on the following
concerning nikkah.
1) What is the Islamic Ruling
on the Mendhi Ceremony?
2) Is it permissable to exchange gifts before the nikkah? (Eg. Boy's
family giving of presents to the bride to be)
3) After nikkah & walimah, does the groom take his bride to his
parent's house and bid farewell from there? (If they will be living on
their own)
Answer
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most
Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi
Wabarakatoh
Rasulullah (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam) said, “The Nikah with the most amount of barakah
is the one with the least expenses”.
Unfortunately, today many marriages are void
of barakah, and there is so much turbulence and grief in
marriages. One of the major contributing factors to that is
extravagance in our marriages. Travelling to Dubai just so that the
colour of the toothpick matches the tablecloth, wedding cards,
mehendi ceremonies, visiting beauty parlours, decorating the hall,
photography, etc. are some of the many unislamic practices that have
crept in our marriages. Mufti Jawed from Sri Lanka is a second year
Ifta student. He is from the memon community. He has outlined
the different unislamic practices in Muslim marriages and
substantiated them from the relevant sources in response to the above
query. This detailed fatwa is worth reading in full and should be
passed over to as many people as possible. May Allah Ta’ala accept the
efforts of Mufti Jawed Sallamahu and grant him barakat in his
‘Uloom. Ameen!
Mufti Ebrahim Desai (Damat Barkatuh)
Darul Ifta - Camperdown
We acknowledge your zeal and enthusiasm for
enquiring about the Shari’ah ruling in such aspects of life, and we
encourage you to keep up with your efforts. Hence, we wish to explain
briefly a few facts related to Nikah (marriage) before we
proceed with answering the questions posed in the query.
Introduction
Unlike majority of the other religions and
sects, Islam does not confine its teachings to the worshiping of the
Divine Lord, but its teachings encompass all aspects of life, whether
it is acts of ‘ibadah (virtuous deeds) like prayer, fasting,
zakat and hajj or other aspects of life like business, politics,
marriage, interpersonal relationships, cleanliness, etc. Consider the
following Hadith of Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam):
بنى الإسلام على خمس شهادة أن لا إله إلا الله وأن محمدا رسول الله ،
وإقام الصلاة ، وإيتاء الزكاة ، والحج ، وصوم رمضان. (رواه البخاري)
The foundation of Islam consists of five
things. To witness that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammed (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam) is the Messenger of Allah; and to be steadfast in
prayers; and to give out charity; and Hajj; and to fast in the month
of Ramadhan.
(Sahih
al-Bukhari Vol.1 Pg.9/10 – Dar al-Fikr)
In the abovementioned Hadith, Islam is
compared to a building. Basic beliefs and ‘ibadah are
considered the foundation of the building whilst the other aspects of
life form the actual building of Islam. Hence, as much as we exert our
efforts to make the foundation strong, we should also portray the
teachings of Islam in our weddings, businesses, interpersonal
relationships, etc. for us to be called Muslims in the real sense. It
was this Islam that had attracted the non-Muslims of the time of Nabi
(Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and the Sahabah (Radhiyallahu Anhum) and
virtually compelled them to accept Islam. It is very sad that the
Muslims of today have confined Islam to the basic beliefs and
‘ibadah alone, and adopted the ways of the west in the rest of
their affairs. It is important for us to learn the teachings of Islam
in all these affairs and conduct ourselves according to these
teachings.
A few broad rules of Shari’ah
Before we point out the unislamic practices
taking place in Muslim marriages, we wish to elaborate a few teachings
of Islam in order to understand the severity of those practices.
Extravagance:
Islam does not prohibit us from spending and consuming, but Islam
forbids us from being extravagant. Allah Ta’ala mentions in the Holy
Quran:
... وكلوا واشربوا ولا تسرفوا إنه لا يحب المسرفين
… Eat and
drink and do not be extravagant. Surely, He does not like the
extravagant.
(Verse: 7:31)
Under the commentary of the abovementioned
Verse, Mufti Shafi Saheb (Rahimahullah) explains that eating more than
what is needed to remove hunger is not permissible. Similarly, eating
so less that one is unable to fulfil his obligations, despite having
the means, will also fall under the prohibition of israf
(extravagance) mentioned in the Verse.
Hence, one should adopt moderation in his
eating and drinking.
The implementation of moderation and
abstinence from extravagance has also been emphasised in other Verses
of the Holy quran.
إن المبذرين كانوا إخوان الشياطين وكان الشيطان لربه كفورا
Surely,
squanderers (the extravagant) are brothers of satans, and the Satan is
very ungrateful to his Lord.
(Verse:
17:27)
والذين إذا أنفقوا لم يسرفوا ولم يقتروا وكان بين ذلك
قواما
(The true
servants of Allah are) those who, when they spend, are neither
extravagant nor miserly, and it (i.e. their spending) is moderate in
between (the two extremes).
(Verse:
25:67)
Mufti Saheb (Rahimahullah) further explains
that this ruling of moderation is not restricted only to eating and
drinking, but will apply in clothing, living standards and every other
aspect of life.
(Ma’arif
al-Quran (English Translation) Vol.3 Pg.569/570 – Maktabah Darul Uloom
Karachi)
Therefore, all unnecessary expences in a
marriage will be regarded as extravagance and will fall under the
prohibition mentioned above.
Imitating the disbelievers and
transgressors: Islam prohibits
us from following the ways and conducts of other religions and sects.
Allah Ta’ala mentions in the Holy Quran:
ولا تركنوا إلى الذين ظلموا فتمسكم النار وما لكم من دون الله من أولياء
ثم لا تنصرون
And do not
incline towards the wrongdoers, lest the Fire should catch you, and
you have no supporters other than Allah, then you should not be
helped.
(Verse:
11:13)
It has been mentioned by reliable
commentators of the Holy Quran that those who follow and imitate the
nonbelievers and transgressors in personal looks, fashion and ways of
living will fall within the ambit of the
warnings mentioned in the
abovementioned Verse.
(Ma’arif
al-Quran (English Translation) Vol.4 Pg.678 – Maktabah Darul Uloom
Karachi)
Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has prohibited us
from following and imitating the ways of nonbelievers and
transgressors:
عن ابن عمر قال قال رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وسلم)، "من تشبه بقوم فهو
منهم". (رواه أبو داؤد)
It has been narrated on the authority of Ibn
‘Umar (Radhiyallahu Anhu) that Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said,
“Whosoever imitates or follows a nation, will be regarded from amongst
them”.
Under the explanation of the abovementioned
Hadith, it has been mentioned that whosoever imitates or replicates
the clothing, etc. of the non-Mulims, or those Muslims who transgress
the rules of Shari’ah, will also have a share in their sins.
Similarly, whosoever imitates the pious from amongst the believers,
will have a share in the rewards of those pious people.
(Bazhl
al-Majhood fi hal Sunan Abi Dawud Vol.12 Pg.59 – Dar al-Bashair al-Islamiyah)
Moreover, the Jurists have explained that
adopting practices that symbolise other religions and hold religious
values could take one out of the fold of Islam. For example, wearing a
Jewish hat, fastening a string around the
body in pursuing the ways of Hindu priests, applying sindhoor
upon the forehead, etc. are not permissible and could take one out of
the fold of Islam.
يكفر بوضع قلنسوة المجوس على رأسه على الصحيح ... وبشد الزنار في وسطه
... وبخروجه إلى نيروز المجوس لموافقته معهم فيما يفعلون في ذلك اليوم
(Fatawa al-Hindiyyah
Vol.2 Pg.276 – Maktabah Rasheediyah)
(Fatawa
Mahmoodiyah Vol.19 Pg.550 – Jami’ah Farooqiyah)
Compulsion of what is not obligatory:
The obligation of what is merely a preferable act is forbidden in
Shari’ah. For example, it is preferable to read Quran and send the
reward to the deceased, but people started gathering on stipulated
dates (like the 3rd day after demise, 40th day,
Thursdays, etc.) and regarded them obligatory; thus, Shari’ah
prohibited such gatherings in spite of the gathering being for a
virtuous act. If such is the ruling for virtuous acts, then the
prohibition of the obligation of something that is not virtuous, and
is merely a custom, will be more severe.
أن الإصرار على المندوب يبلغه إلى حد الكراهة فكيف إصرار
البدعة التي لا أصل لها في الشرع.
(Al Si’ayah
fi Kashf ma fi Sharh Wiqayah Vol.2 Pg.265 – Suhail Acedemy)
Hence, all practices in marriages that people
regard as compulsory or give it the importance of a compulsory act of
Shari’ah, will be considered impermissible in Shari’ah.
Innovation in Deen:
If a person carries out an action thinking that it is part of deen,
whilst it is not part of deen, he will be sinful for his
actions, as he has included in Islam what is not part of it.
عن عائشة قالت: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: " من
أحدث في أمرنا هذا ما ليس فيه فهو رد ". (رواه البخاري)
It has been narrated on the authority of
‘Aishah (Radhiyallahu Anhu) that Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)
said, “Whosoever innovates in Islam that which is not part of it, such
an action is rejected and futile”.
(Sahih
al-Bukhari Vol.3 Pg.222 – Dar al-Fikr)
Actions done to show and please others:
The ultimate objective of our lives in this world is to please Allah
Ta’ala; hence, any action done to solely please the creation of Allah
Ta’ala is disliked in Shari’ah. Consider the following:
وعن عبد الله بن عمرو أنه سمع رسول الله صلى الله عليه
وسلم يقول: " من سمع الناس بعمله سمع الله به أسامع خلقه وحقره وصغره ".
(رواه البيهقي في " شعب الإيمان ")
Mulla ‘Ali Qari (Rahimahullah) explains the
meaning of the abovementioned Hadith that if a person does actions to
show and please other people, Allah Ta’ala will make his bad habits
known to everyone, and will ridicule him in this world.
(Mirqat
al-Mafateeh Vol.10 Pg.64/65 – Maktabah Imdadiyah)
Moreover, Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)
resembles such actions to ascribing partners to Allah Ta’ala and
regards them as Shirk Kahfi (a lower form of ascribing partners
to Allah Ta’ala).
وعن شداد بن أوس
أنه بكى فقيل له : ما يبكيك ؟ قال : شيء سمعت من رسول
الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول فذكرته فأبكاني سمعت رسول الله صلى الله
عليه وسلم يقول : " أتخوف على أمتي الشرك والشهوة الخفية " قال : قلت يا
رسول الله أتشرك أمتك من بعدك ؟ قال : " نعم أما إنهم لا يعبدون شمسا ولا
قمرا ولا حجرا ولا وثنا ولكن يراؤون بأعمالهم . والشهوة الخفية أن يصبح
أحدهم صائما فتعرض له شهوة من شهواته فيترك صومه " . (رواه البيهقي في "
شعب الإيمان" )
It has been narrated on the authority of
Shaddad bin Aus (Radhiyallahu Anhu) that he was weeping one day. Thus,
someone asked him as to why he was weeping. Upon this, he remarked
that it is something I heard Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) saying;
the memory of which makes me weep. He mentions that he heard Nabi (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam) saying, “I fear upon my ummah the lighter from of
shirk and desire’. He says that upon this I asked Rasulullah (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam), “will your ummah ascribe partners to Allah Ta’ala
after you?” Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) replied, “Yes; they will
not worship the sun or the moon or stones or idols, but they will do
actions to please others…
(Mishkat
al-Masabeeh Pg.455/6 – Qadeemi Kutub khana)
Unislamic practices in a marriage
In the light of the abovementioned principles
and the other teachings of Islam, let us examine a few practices
generally found in Muslim marriages and the Islamic rulings regarding
them.
Engagement Ceremony:
Engagement is a mere promise to marry.
Engagement ceremonies are a custom of the non-Muslims; hence, they
will fall under that ruling of imitating the non-believers.
If one regards them as part of deen,
then he will be also sinful for innovation in deen.
Even after the parties have agreed upon the
engagement, a small feast is held in which stipulated persons are
invited. They regard this to be compulsory and think that an
engagement will not be done without this custom. This will fall under
the prohibition of compulsion of what is not obligatory.
Grand feasts are held for the engagement
ceremony and lot of money is spent in that which is not
necessary; hence, it will be regarded as extravagance which is
prohibited in Shari’ah.
Gifts are received by the girl’s party from
the boy. If the girl’s party demands such gifts, it will be regarded
as bribery. Even if they do not demand the gifts, but it is a part of
the custom to receive such gifts, the same ruling will apply. However,
if no such custom prevails, then it will not be regarded as bribery.
( أخذ أهل المرأة شيئا عند التسليم فللزوج أن يسترده )
لأنه رشوة .
( قوله عند التسليم ) أي بأن أبى أن يسلمها أخوها أو نحوه
حتى يأخذ شيئا ، وكذا لو أبى أن يزوجها فللزوج الاسترداد قائما أو هالكا
لأنه رشوة بزازية .
(Rad
al-Muhtar Vol.3 Pg.156 – H.M. Sa'eed Company)
(Fatawa
Mahmoodiyah Vol.11 Pg.186 – Jami’ah Farooqiyah)
Premarital relationships:
Delaying of Nikah is discouraged in Islam; hence, Nikah should be held
as quickly as possible after the engagement.
عن أبي هريرة قال : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم
إذا خطب إليكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض
وفساد عريض (رواه الترمذي)
It has been narrated on the authority of Abu
Hurairah (Radhiyallahu Anhu) that Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)
said, “when you receive a proposal from a person who is pious and has
good habits, then get your daughters married to them. If you do not do
so, it will result in the spreading of evil and corruption”.
(Jami’
al-Tirmizhi Vol.1 Pg.207 – H.M. Sa'eed Company)
It has become a habit in some cultures to prolong
the Nikah after the engagement; thus, the boy and the girl start
meeting each other, or talking to each other on the phone, or chatting
online. All of these are not permissible, as an engagement is only a
promise to marry and the boy and girl still remain non-mahram
(strangers) to each other.
(Apke
Masail aur Unka Hal Vol.5 Pg.34 – Maktabah Bayyinat)
Gifts are exchanged between the two parties before
Nikah. The exchanging of such gifts (especially on the day of Eid,
birthday, when one party is travelling overseas, etc.) is regarded
compulsory. This is compulsion of what is not obligatory which is
prohibited in Shari’ah, as explained above; hence, will not be
permissible.
Moreover, If these gifts are received by the girl’s
party from the boy, they will be regarded as bribery as explained
above.
Travelling overseas for wedding shopping:
It has become a trend in many cultures to travel overseas to purchase
goods for the wedding. A feeble excuse is made that the latest fashion
in clothing is not available in the country. In the process, thousands
of dollars are spent for plane tickets, accommodation, etc. This is
pure extravagance and cannot be tolerated in Shari’ah.
Wedding cards:
Thousands are spent in the printing of
wedding cards with the latest designs and best quality. This will be
considered extravagance and will not be permissible according to
Shari’ah. If there is a real need to print wedding cards so as to
inform people of the wedding, it will be permissible to do so, on
condition that the wedding cards are simple and moderate. However, it
has been noticed that many a time a guest is invited personally or
over the phone and thereafter a card is also sent to him. This will
not be regarded as permissible as it is apparent that there was no
need for the card.
Lighting up the house:
Many parents take pleasure in decorating and lighting the house with
colorful bulbs. This is a waste of money and electricity. There is no
doubt in regarding this as extravagance, as there is no real need for
this lighting as is done only to show other people, which is also
prohibited.
Ceremonies before and after marriage:
The ceremonies of marriage start a week or two before marriage, and
close relatives are invited every day to these ceremonies. Ceremonies
are also held a few days after the walimah, wherein the groom
and close relatives are invited by the bride’s parents. A ceremony is
also held on the day of Nikah. Special menus are prepared for each
day, and large sums of money are spent in these feasts. Besides the
other prohibited acts which take place in these ceremonies (some of
which have bee elaborated below), there is no real need for these
ceremonies. Inviting all relatives for a meal of walimah would
suffice. Hence, the prohibition of extravagance will apply in this
case. Moreover, although entertaining guests itself is something
encouraged in Shari’ah, these ceremonies are regarded as compulsory
and held merely to please other people, the prohibitions of which have
been elaborated above. The ceremony of Nikah is considered as part of
deen by some. This is incorrect and the person with such
beliefs will be sinful.
Negligence in salah:
Most of the ceremonies last till late at night, resulting in the
forfeiting of Fajr salah. The people of the house are so
engrossed in the preparations for all these ceremonies and
entertaining their guests that they tend to forget salah, or
delay it from its mustahab time. Resulting in negligence of
salah itself is enough to render these ceremonies impermissible.
Music and photography:
Loud music is played in the background in most of the abovementioned
ceremonies and even on the day of walimah. Special
photographers are called on the day of Nikah and walimah to
video the whole ceremony and take pictures of the bride and the whole
family. The male photographer is allowed to enter in the midst of all
women and is also ordered to take pictures of the bride in different
postures. The impermissibility of such practices needs no elaboration.
However, it is very sad that these practices are still prevalent in
spite of people being aware of their impermissibility and harms. Some
houses have realised the harms of calling photographers, but
photography still prevails through the medium of personal cameras and
phones with cameras. They are only hiding their sins from people by
not calling photographers, but they do not realise that Allah Ta’ala
is watching them violating His commandments. Moreover, the fitnah
does not stop here, but CDs and albums of theses pictures and videos
are made, and those relatives who are non-mahram (with whom
nikah is permissible) are given copies of these CDs. In some
occasions videos and pictures of ladies functions are taken, wherein
ladies who exercise strict purdah are present. Their pictures
are taken without their knowledge and viewed by non-mahrams
with whom they were exercising strict purdah. The act that is
even more shameful is that parents show these videos and pictures to
their young sons for them to choose their future wife. Even if these
acts were not prohibited in Shari’ah, the modesty and bashfulness of a
person with moderate thinking should stop him from such actions.
Intermingling of sexes:
The prohibition of intermingling of sexes is not something alien to
Muslims. However, due to affiliation with other religions and sects,
they fail to understand that close relatives like cousins and
sisters-in-law are also non-mahram, and purdah is
obligatory with them too; and they freely mix with these relatives,
especially in the ceremonies before Nikah. They make simple excuses
like we grew up together, without taking into consideration that they
are openly violating a command of Allah Ta’ala mentioned in the Holy
Quran. The consequences of such violation of the commandments of Allah
can be very detrimental, and could lead to kufr in cases where
a person clearly refuses to accept such a law and regards it
permissible.
Dandiya Raas:
Dandiya Raas is a type of a dance wherein the dancers hold two
sticks and energetically whirl and move
their feet and arms in a complicated,
choreographed manner to the tune of the music with various
rhythms. Its impermissibility is obvious due to the involvement of
music and the intermingling of sexes. Besides being affiliated with
impermissible acts, the dance itself originates from the Hindu
culture. Origins of Raas are traced back to the teachings of
Hinduism, wherein they mention that their “Lord Krishna” used to
perform Raas Lila. The sticks used in Dandiya Raas are
said to represent the swords of Durga (one of the Hindu goddesses),
and Dandiya Raas is performed by Hindus at Navaratri (Hindu
festival) and in Durga’s honour. We have already made mention above
that adopting practices that symbolise
other religions and hold religious values could take one out of the
fold of Islam. Hence, the severity of the matter cannot be ignored.
The exchanging of gifts and dowry:
The exchanging of gifts in itself is an act of virtue and encouraged
in Shari’ah. However, it is an undeniable fact that the two parties
are compelled to give out theses gifts. The relatives to whom gifts
have to be given out are stipulated through custom; for example, a
certain amount is stipulated for the mother-in-law, a certain amount
for sister-in-law, etc. This is clear proof that these gifts are given
through compulsion and not with the intention of giving gifts as such;
hence, will not be permissible. The same applies to the giving out of
dowry. There is no harm in a father giving out whatever he wishes to
his daughter, as long as he is giving it from his own free will.
However, in many cases the boy’s party demands the dowry; and even in
the cases dowry is not demanded, the custom prevails that dowry has to
be given and it is understood between the parties that the dowry will
be given by the girl’s father. Some of them who are poor have to
borrow money or take zakat in order to give a dowry. This is proof of
compulsion of something not obligatory, which is prohibited in
Shari’ah. Moreover, the giving out of dowry has taken the form of
competition, wherein one Muslim tries to excel his fellow Muslim
brother in buying a better dowry than the other. Some go to the extent
of travelling overseas to buy the dowry. This undoubtedly will fall
under extravagance. The ones who cannot afford do not wish to be left
out, and spend over and above their means in keeping up with the
competition. This results in people borrowing money from others, or
taking zakat in order to have a marriage that would please others. The
question remains that in spite of all the abovementioned, can we still
regard the exchanging of gifts and the giving of dowry as permissible?
Ceremonies for showing gifts and dowry:
In some cultures, special ceremonies are held to show the relatives
what gifts were given out and what dowry was given out. A special
ceremony (by the name of khoro in some cultures) is held, only
for ladies, to exchange gifts of gold and cash, which had already been
stipulated between the elders of the family. The exchange of gifts is
done after the meal in front of all those present, and announcements
are made as to who is giving the gift to whom and the value of the
gift. The younger in age generally kisses the hand of the elder when
receiving or giving the gift. Another ceremony (called vanna in
some cultures) is held to show off what was given in dowry. The entire
dowry given out is displayed, and each and every person invited has a
look at the dowry. These are merely customs that are being followed
for ages, and are against the teachings of Shari’ah as they are
regarded compulsory. Moreover, the main objective of these ceremonies
is to show off the goods to others, the prohibition of which has been
elaborated above.
Mehendi Ceremony:
This ceremony is held 2 to 3 days before Nikah. The bride-to-be and
close relatives apply mehendi upon their hands and legs. In
most mehendi ceremonies, music is played in the background and
dandiya raas, or some other form of dance is performed. The
prohibition of these things has been explained above. Money is also
spent in having grand feasts on this day, resulting in extravagance.
Some cultures carry out Hindu customs on this day, wherein the boy’s
party come in a procession with lamps in their hands. This is mere
imitation of disbelievers, which cannot be tolerated in Shari’ah.
Moreover, a special cream (besides the mehendi that is applied
on the hands and legs) is applied on the whole body of the girl. If
this is done simply to beautify herself for her husband, it will be
permissible and virtuous for her to do so. However, in some cases,
applying of mehendi results in the negligence of salah, as the
mehendi cannot be washed off until firm. If any salah is
omitted or delayed from its preferable time due to the applying of
mehendi, then such applying will not be permissible.
Unislamic dress code:
Many Muslims adopt dressing that resemble with the dressing of the
actors and actresses of Bollywood. Dresses worn by certain actors in
certain films are ordered or custom made. This clearly falls under the
rule of imitating the disbelievers and transgressors. Would we prefer
to be resurrected amongst these actors and actresses on the day of
Qiyamah? This is a very severe matter to which people do not pay much
heed. Moreover, money is wasted in buying the branded and extravagant
clothing and some even travel overseas to purchase clothing to keep up
with the fashion, mention of which has already been made. The most
money is spent on the bride’s dress for the Nikah and the walimah
ceremonies. Thousands are spent on a dress she will never wear again
in her life.
Visiting beauty parlours:
Visiting of beauty parlours during the marriage ceremonies has also
become a trend. The bride and close relatives spend hours in the
beauty parlour to get there hair done and face made up according to
the fashion set by the disbelievers. This will fall under the ruling
of imitating the disbelievers. In the process
salahs are omitted and a lot of money is spent. Moreover, most of
the make up used do no comply with the standards of Shari’ah, thus,
could result in the invalidity of salah performed in them.
Grand wedding halls:
Grand halls are booked for the day of the Nikah and walimah and
thousands are spent in the decoration of such halls. This will also
fall under extravagance. Some go to the extent of booking halls in
luxury hotels that sell alcohol and pork in them. There is a fear of
contamination of the liquor and pork in the food served; hence, Islam
commands us to stay away from such places.
قال
الحسن بن على حفظت من رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم دع ما
يريبك
Hassan bin ‘Ali (Radhiyallahu Anhu) says that
amongst the teachings of Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) that I have
preserved is, “leave what is doubtful for that in which there is no
doubt”.
(Jami’
al-Tirmizhi Vol.2 Pg.78 – H.M. Sa'eed Company)
When asked about eating in restaurants of
non-Muslims, Mufti Mahmood Saheb (Rahimahullah) mentions that it is
better not to eat in such restaurants.
(Fatawa
Mahmoodiyah Vol.18 Pg.37/39 – Jami’ah Farooqiyah)
Luxury cars:
Using of luxury cars for the bride and the groom is also found in the
practice of many Muslims. The main object behind using these cars is
to show other people, which is prohibited. Money is also wasted in
decorating the car, which is extravagance. Moreover, this practice
stems from the Hindu culture wherein the bridegroom used to ride on a
horse or elephant to the wedding ceremony. The Hindus then started
replacing it with luxury cars. Hence, such practice will be regarded
as imitating the disbelievers.
Corruption of walimah with unislamic practices:
According to majority of the scholars, holding a walimah
ceremony is sunnah. However, one can attain the reward of sunnah only
on condition that the commands of Shari’ah are not violated. In
walimahs today, we find many unislamic practices like
extravagance, music, intermingling of sexes, etc. Hence, it becomes a
means of acquiring sin rather than attaining reward.
The abovementioned are but few of the unislamic
practices that take place in Muslim marriages. The broad rules of
Shari’ah elaborated above could be used as a yard-stick in determining
the Shar’i ruling in the rest of the practices that take place in
marriages.
Islamic teachings regarding Marriage
Unlike other cultures and religions, Islam treats
Nikah as a form of worship, and it is a means of attaining piety and
closeness to Allah Ta’ala.
عن عائشة قالت قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: "النكاح
من سنتى فمن لم يعمل بسنتى فليس منى ..." (رواه ابن ماجه)
It has been narrated on the authority of
Aishah (Radhiyallahu Anha) that Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)
said, “Nikah is from amongst my Sunnats, and whosoever does not follow
my sunnah, is not from me.
(Sunan Ibn
Majah Pg.132/3 – Qadeemi Kutub Khana)
وعن أنس قال : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: " إذا
تزوج العبد فقد استكمل نصف الدين فليتق الله في النصف الباقي "
It has been narrated on the authority of Anas
(Radhiyallahu Anhu) that Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “When
a person gets married, he has perfected half of Deen; and he should
fear Allah in the other half”.
(Mishkat
al-Masabeeh Pg.268 – Qadeemi Kutub khana)
Therefore, it is important for us to follow
the commandments of Allah Ta’ala and the ways of Nabi (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam) regarding our marriages.
Islam teaches us that when looking for a partner,
we should give preference to piety.
عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه عن النبي صلى الله عليه و سلم
قال "تنكح المرأة لأربع لمالها ولحسبها وجمالها ولدينها فاظفر بذات الدين
...". (رواه البخاري)
It has been narrated on the authority of Abu
Hurairah (Radhiyallahu Anhu) that Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)
said, “A women is generally married either for her wealth, her
lineage, her beauty or her piety. Be successful by marrying the pious.
(Sahih
al-Bukhari Vol.6 Pg.150 – Dar al-Fikr)
After having found a suitable girl, the boy
could either tell the womenfolk in the family to look at the girl and
tell him how she is, or the boy could personally look at the face and
hands of the girl. However, it will be permissible for him to look at
her only once before marriage and on condition that he really has the
intention of marrying her.
(Dars-e-Tirmizhi
Vol.3 Pg.350/1 – Maktabah Darul ‘Uloom Karachi)
After having found a partner, we should
hasten in conducting the Nikah.
عن أبي هريرة قال : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم
إذا خطب إليكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض
وفساد عريض (رواه الترمذي)
It has been narrated on the authority of Abu
Hurairah (Radhiyallahu Anhu) that Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)
said, “when you receive a proposal from a person who is pious and has
good habits, then get your daughters married to them. If you do not do
so, it will result in the spreading of evil and corruption”.
(Jami’
al-Tirmizhi Vol.1 Pg.207 – H.M. Sa'eed Company)
As far as the marriage ceremony is concerned,
Islam permits and encourages us to have a walimah, but at the
same time advices us to keep them as simple as possible.
وقال عبد الرحمن بن عوف قال لى النبى صلى الله عليه وسلم
"أولم ولو بشاة".
(رواه البخاري)
‘Abdur Rahman bin ‘Auf (Radhiyallahu Anhu) mentions
that Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said to me, “Conduct your
walimah, even if it means slaughtering a sheep”.
(Sahih
al-Bukhari Vol.6 Pg.173 – Dar al-Fikr)
عن عائشة أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال "إن أعظم
النكاح بركة أيسره مؤنة". (رواه البيهقي في " شعب الإيمان" )
It has been narrated by Ai’shah (Radhiyallahu
Anha) that Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “The most blessed
wedding is that which has the least expenses”.
(Mishkat
al-Masabeeh Pg.268 – Qadeemi Kutub khana)
Hence, the simpler the marriage, the more
blessed it will be. As a result of this, there will be more love
between the husband and wife; the children born from this marriage
will be pious and the marriage will be a means of attaining success in
the eternal Hereafter.
A
few examples from the life of Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and
Sahabah (Radhiyallahu Anhum)
The proposal of Ali (Radhiyallahu Anhu) to Nabi
(Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) for His daughter:
عن علي قال ... حتى دخلت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم
فلما أن قعدت بين يديه أفحمت فوالله ما استطعت أن أتكلم جلالة وهيبة فقال
رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: "ما جاء بك ألك حاجة؟" فسكت فقال: "لعلك
جئت تخطب فاطمة"، فقلت "نعم!" فقال: "وهل عندك من شئ تستحلها به" فقلت:
"لا والله يا رسول الله!" فقال: "ما فعلت درع سلحتكها" فوالذي نفس علي
بيده أنها لخطمية ما قيمتها أربعة دراهم فقلت عندي. فقال "قد زوجتكها
فابعث إليها بها فاستحلها بها"، فإن كانت لصداق فاطمة بنت رسول الله صلى
الله عليه وسلم. (رواه البيهقي في الدلائل )
Hadrath Ali (Radhiyallahu Anhu) narrates, “… until
I went to see Ralullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam). However, when I
sat before Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam), I was unable to
utter a word out of respect and awe for him. Rasulullah (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam) asked, ‘What brings you here? Is there something you
need?’ When I remained silent, Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)
said, ‘Have you perhaps come to propose for Fatima?’ ‘Yes,’ I managed
to reply. ‘Have you got anything to give as dower?’ Rasulullah (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam) asked. ‘By Allah!’ I replied, ‘I have nothing’. ‘What
has happened to the suit of armor I gave you?’ he asked. I swear by
the being that controls Ali that the armor was the type made by the
Hatma bin Muharib tribe and was barely worth four (hundred) Dirhams.
When I informed Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) that I still
had it with me, he said, ‘Then I have handed her over in marriage to
you, so send it to her as dower’. This was therefore the dower of
Fatima (Radhiyallahu Anha), the daughter of Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi
Wasallam).
The abovementioned incident shows the simplicity in
the marriages of the Sahabah (Radhiyallahu Anhum) and the modesty of
the Sahabah (Radhiyallahu Anhum).
Nabi’s (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) marriage to
Zainab bint Jahsh (Radhiyallahu Anha):
عن أنس رضى الله عنه قال بنى على النبى صلى الله عليه
وسلم بزينب ابنة جحش بخبز ولحم فأرسلت على الطعام داعيا فيجىء قوم
فيأكلون ويخرجون ، ثم يجىء قوم فيأكلون ويخرجون ، فدعوت حتى ما أجد أحدا
أدعو فقلت يا نبى الله ما أجد أحدا أدعوه قال ارفعوا طعامكم ...(رواه
البخاري)
Anas (Radhiyallahu Anhu) states, “To celebrate his
marriage to Zaynab bint Jahash (Radhiyallahu Anha), Nabi (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam) hosted a meal of bread and meat. I was sent to invite
people to the meal and as they arrived, they ate and left. When I
could find no more to invite, I submitted, ‘O Nabi of Allah, I cannot
find anyone else to invite’. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)
then gave the instruction for the food to be taken away …
(Sahih
al-Bukhari Vol.6 Pg.29 – Dar al-Fikr)
Note that no wedding cards were given out and
the guests were not informed in advance. Moreover, Nabi (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam) did not feel ashamed in inviting the guests group by
group and not fitting them in one grand hall. The meal did not consist
of a variety of food.
Nabi’s (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) marriage to
Safiyyah bint Huyay (Radhiyallahu Anha):
عن أنس رضى الله عنه قال أقام النبى صلى الله عليه وسلم
بين خيبر والمدينة ثلاثا يبنى عليه بصفية بنت حيى فدعوت المسلمين إلى
وليمته فما كان فيها من خبز ولا لحم ، أمر بالأنطاع فألقى فيها من التمر
والأقط والسمن فكانت وليمته ...(رواه البخاري)
Anas (Radhiyallahu Anhu) states, “Nabi (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam) camped at a place between Khaybar and Madinah for
three days. It was here that he consummated his marriage to Safiyyah (Radhiyallahu
Anha), after which I invited the Muslims present to a Walima meal that
featured neither bread nor meat. Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)
instructed for a leather tablecloth to be spread. He then scattered
dates cheese and butter unto it. This was the Walima of Nabi (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam) …
(Sahih
al-Bukhari Vol.6 Pg.149 – Dar al-Fikr)
Note the simplicity in the walimah meal. A
leather tablecloth was spread and dates, cheese and butter were
scattered. No meat was served!
Dressing of the woman of Madina in the time of
Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam):
وعن عبد الواحد بن أيمن قال حدثنى أبى قال دخلت على عائشة
رضى الله عنها وعليها درع قطر ثمن خمسة دراهم ، فقالت ارفع بصرك إلى
جاريتى ، انظر إليها فإنها تزهى أن تلبسه فى البيت ، وقد كان لى منهن درع
على عهد رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم - ، فما كانت امرأة تقين
بالمدينة إلا أرسلت إلى تستعيره . (رواه البخاري)
‘Abdul Wahid bin Aiman narrates from his
father who says that one day he went to 'Aishah
(Radhiyallahu Anha) and she was wearing a coarse dress costing five
Dirhams. 'Aishah (Radhiyallahu Anha) said, “Look at my slave-girl who
refuses to wear it in the house. I had a similar dress during the
lifetime of Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam). Every woman in Madian
desiring to appear elegant (before her husband) borrowed it from me."
(Sahih
al-Bukhari Vol.3 Pg.194 – Dar al-Fikr)
The abovementioned portrays the simplicity of
the women of Madina in the time of Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam).
They did not waste money in buying a dress to adorn themselves in
front of their husbands, which is in fact permissible in Shari’ah. On
the other hand, the brides of today spend thousands in buying a dress
to show and impress other people, which is prohibited in Shari’ah.
Repercussions of not following the teachings of Islam
The Ummah today is facing the repercussions of
following the ways of the disbelievers, and being extravagant in there
weddings.
From the time a girl is born in the house, the
fathers are worried and start saving up for the marriage and dowry. In
some Indian villages, the fathers feed the daughters with poison when
they are born, due to the abovementioned worry.
Dowries are demanded even from the poor, and they
go to the extent of taking zakat. We receive many questions in
Ramadhan from people asking if it is permissible to give zakat to a
person who needs money to give out his daughter’s dowry.
So many Muslims are left homeless all around the
world; but Muslims still feel it is fair and permissible to waste so
much money in weddings.
The marriages are devoid of all blessing due to the
extravagance that takes place; hence, we find that the rate of divorce
amongst the Muslims is very high. Moreover, the children born from
such weddings tend to disobey their parents, and parents go around
seeking for a solution, whilst the actual cause was not following the
teachings of Islam in the weddings.
The Islamic way of life was supposed to be a means
of attracting non-Muslims towards Islam; but since the Islamic morale
has left the wedding, the wrong image of Islam is portrayed to the
onlookers and media. The non-Muslims see no
difference between their religion and Islam and are not attracted
towards it.
A
few frequently asked questions
Hereunder, we mention a few questions that are
frequently asked by people when they are educated with the teachings
of Islam in regards to marriage;
Q1. What is wrong in spending so much when we have
got the means to do so?
A1. The money we possess is an amanat
(trust) given to us by Alah Ta’ala. One of the questions we will be
asked on the day of Qiyamah is regarding our money, how we earned it
and where we spent it. We will not be able to move from our places
unless we answer these questions. Hence, it will be incorrect of us to
spend our wealth contrary to the commandments of Allah Ta’ala. We have
also elaborated above that extravagant weddings are devoid of the
blessings from Allah Ta’ala. Moreover, by being extravagant in our
weddings, we set high standards fro those who cannot afford it, and
they end up taking loan or asking for charity.
Q2. We do not spend only in our wedding ceremonies,
but we also do a lot of community work and give out a lot of charity,
then why should it not be permissible?
A2. Besides what we have already mentioned in the
first answer, we would also like to ask that if it is the case, then
why is it that there are still so many Muslims in the world that are
in need of charity? To what level have we Muslims fulfilled our
obligations of seeing to there needs?
Q. How can we keep away from the customs that we
have inherited from our forefathers?
A. The infidels of Makkah made the same excuse when
Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) called them towards Islam. They
asked Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) as to how they could leave the
religion of their forefathers for the religion that Nabi (Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam) had brought. Quran speaks of the same regarding the
nations of past, when their Prophets brought the message of Allah to
them. At the same time Quran also mentions what was the fate of these
nations, and how they were destroyed. We ask these people, do you wish
the same fate for yourselves by giving preference to the custom of
your forefathers over the commandments of Allah? We have to decide for
ourselves whether we want to please the people of this world or Allah
Ta’ala.
To end thereof, we should make an effort in
educating the Muslim community with the teachings of Islam in regards
to Nikah. We should also try to approach the elders of the family and
explain to them the consequences of these practices. If all efforts
fail, we should refrain from them ourselves. When more people start
refraining from such ceremonies, the others will realize their wrong
and mend their ways. If we keep going with the flow, people will start
thinking its permissible and such actions will continue in our
children. May Allah Ta’ala give us all the ability to stay away from
practices that bring the wrath of Allah Ta’ala.
As far as
the questions posed in the query are concerned, the issues of
mehendi ceremony and exchanging of gifts before Nikah have already
been discussed. We could not locate any specific ruling in regards to
taking the bride to the parents’ house to bid farewell. However, if
this is a custom that is regarded compulsory in your culture, then it
will be obligatory to leave out this practice, since it will fall
under the ruling of compulsion of what is not obligatory.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Ml. Abu Yahya,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah |