When Friends Hurt Each Other
By Muhammad Al-Shareef
Imam Malik (Rahmatullah alaihi) one day entered the Masjid after Asr. Towards
the front of Masjid An-Nabawee he drew closer and sat down. Rasul Allah (SAW)
had commanded that anyone who enters the Masjid should not sit until he first
prays 2 raka's as a salutation of the Masjid. Imam Malik was of the opinion
however that Rasul Allah's (SAW) forbiddance of praying after Asr took
precedence and so he would teach his students to not pray the tahiyyatul Masjid
if they entered between the Asr and Maghrib time.
At that moment that Imam Malik sat down, a young boy had seen him sit without
first praying the 2 raka’s of Tahiyyatul Masjid. The young boy scorned him, “Get
up and pray 2 raka's!”
Imam Malik dutifully stood up once again and began praying the 2 raka's. The
students sat stunned: What was going on? Had Imam Malik’s opinion changed?
After he had completed the salah, the students swarmed around and questioned
his actions. Imam Malik said, “My opinion has not changed, nor have I gone back
on what I taught you earlier. I merely feared that had I not prayed the 2 rakas
as the young boy commanded, Allah may include me in the Ayah…
[And when it is said to them, ‘Bow (in prayer)’, they do not bow.]- al
mursalat 77/48.
Imam Ahmad (Rahmatullah alaihi) held the opinion that eating camel meat
nullifies ones Wudu, an opinion that the majority of scholars differed from.
Some students asked him, “If you find an Imam eating camel meat in front of you
and – without first making Wudu - then leads the Salah, would you pray behind
him?” Imam Ahmad replied, “Do you think I would not pray behind the likes of
Imam Malik and Sa’eed ibn Al-Musayyab?”
Allah created humans with differences. It is the law of creation. Different
tongues, different colors, different cultures… all that on the outside. On the
inside, humans were created with many degrees of knowledge, intellect, and
comprehension of concepts. This is all a sign of Allah’s all encompassing power
to do whatever He wills:
"And among His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the
variations in your languages and your colors: verily in that are signs for those
who know." [30:22]
Humans shall differ, that is not the issue. The issue is: How as a Muslim
should one confront these differences of opinions and what should be our
relationship with someone of a different opinion.
Allah ta’ala commanded us to call and advise people in this Deen of Al-Islam.
Many Muslims set off on this mission blindfolded, not realizing that the map was
there in the Qur’an also. In fact, in the very same verse where Allah commanded
us to call and advise people in this Deen, Allah taught us how to do it. Read
the following verse carefully:
[Invite (fi’l Amr – Allah is commanding) to the way of your Lord with wisdom
and good instruction and argue with them in a way that is best! ] – Surah An-Nahl
16/125.
There is no need to philosophize. No need to talk in the flower gardens. It
is right there, plain and simple for anyone who would take heed.
There in that Ayah are the three ingredients to apply when we disagree with
someone. The same Allah that taught us to debate the truth, taught us how to do
it:
With Hikmah
With good instruction, and
To argue in a way that is best.
What does it mean to have Hikmah when differing with someone?
The nephews of Rasul Allah (SAW) once set one of the most beautiful examples
of Hikmah in advising others. Al-Hasan and Al-Husayn – in their young age - once
saw a senior man performing Wudu incorrectly. Together they arranged a plan to
teach the man without insulting him, advising him in a manner befitting of his
age.
Together they went to the senior and announced, “My brother and I have
differed over who amongst us performs Wudu the best. Would you mind being the
judge to determine which one of us indeed performs Wudu more correctly.”
The man watched intently as the two grandsons of Rasul Allah (SAW) performed
Wudu in an explicit manner. After they had completed, he thanked them and said,
“By Allah, I did not know how to perform Wudu before this. You have both taught
me how to do it correctly.”
We must understand that there are two dimensions to Hikmah. Firstly, there is
the Hikmah of knowledge – Hikmah Ilmiyyah. And secondly, there is the Hikmah of
Action – Hikmah Amaliyyah.
Some people may have Hikmah of knowledge. But we see that when they try
correcting others, advising them, they lack the Hikmah of Action. This causes
many a common folk to reject the Hikmah of knowledge.
To illustrate this Hikmah of knowledge without Hikmah of action, a brother
once completed the Salah in a local Masjid and then proceeded to shake hands
with the people on his right and left. The brother to his immediate right
slapped his hand and snapped, “That is not part of the Sunnah!” The man replied
most correctly, “Oh, is disrespect and insult part of the Sunnah?”
To show Hikmah when we differ requires the following:
Sincerity
One: If we differ, our intentions should be that we are differing in the
sincere hope of coming away with the truth. Our intentions should be sincere to
Allah.
We should not differ just to release some hate or envy in our heart. We
should not differ to embarrass someone like we may have been embarrassed.
Rasul Allah (SAW) said, “Whoever learns knowledge – knowledge from that which
should be sought for the sake of Allah – only to receive a commodity of the
material world, he shall not find the fragrance of Jannah on the day of
resurrection.”- An authentic hadith narrated by Abu Dawood in Kitab Al- Ilm.
Kindness and Gentleness
Two: To have Hikmah when differing means we should rarely depart from an
atmosphere of kindness and gentleness, we should seldom allow ourselves to
become angry and raise our voices.
Fir’own was one of the evilest people that lived. Musa (AS) was one of the
noblest. Look at how Allah told Musa (AS) to advise Fir’own…
[Go, both of you, to Fir’own. Indeed, he has transgressed. And speak to him
with gentle speech, perhaps he may remember or fear (Allah).]
A man once entered upon the Khalifah and chastised him for some policies he
had taken. The Khalifah replied, “By Allah, Fir’own was more eviler than me. And
by Allah, Musa (AS) was more pious than you. Yet, Allah commanded him…[And speak
to him with gentle speech, perhaps he may remember or fear (Allah).]
Take Your Time and Clarify
Three: To have Hikmah when dealing with others is to be patient and clarify
things before snapping to conclusions.
Imam Ahmad narrates with his chain of narrators leading to Ibn Abbas who
said, “A man from Bani Saleem passed by a group of the Prophet’s (SAW)
companions. (At that time of war) The man said ‘as salamu alaykum’ to them. The
companions concluded that he only said ‘as salamu alaykum’ to them as a
deception to save himself from being caught. They surrounded him and Malham ibn
Juthaamah killed him. From that event Allah revealed the verse…
[O you who have believed, when you go forth (to fight) in the cause of Allah,
investigate, and do not say to one who gives you (a greeting of peace), “You are
not a believer,” Aspiring for the goods of worldly life; for with Allah are many
acquisitions. You (yourselves) were like that before; then Allah conferred His
favor (i.e. guidance) upon you, so investigate. Indeed, Allah is ever with what
you do, acquainted.] - Surah AnNisa, 4/94. From Tafseer Ibn Katheer.
Speak Kindly
Fourthly, never trade in kind words for harshness, especially when dealing
with other Muslims.
Look at the power of a sincere and polite word:
Mus’ab ibn Umayr (RA) was the first of ambassador of Rasul Allah (SAW) in
Madinah. Before Rasul Allah (SAW) had arrived in Madinah, Mus’ab (RA) taught ahl
al-Madinah about Islam and they began to enter the Deen.
This enraged Sa’d ibn ‘Ubaadah, one of the chieftains of Madinah. He sheathed
his sword and set off for the head of Mus’ab ibn ‘Umayr (RA). When he confronted
Mus’ab (RA) he threatened, “Stop this nonsense you speak or you shall find
yourself dead!”
Mus’ab (RA) replied in the way that should be a lesson for us all. This man
before him did not stop at rudeness and ignorance, he wanted to slit his throat.
Mus’ab (RA) said, “Shall you not sit and listen for a few moments. If you
agree with what I say then take it, and if not, we shall desist from this talk.”
Sa’d sat down.
Mus’ab (RA) spoke about Allah and His messenger (SAW) until the face of Sa’d
ibn Ubaadah’s face shone like a full moon and he said, “What should a person do
who wishes to enter into this Deen?” After Mus’ab (RA) had told him he said,
“There is a man, if he accepts this Deen, there shall be no home in Madinah that
will not become Muslim. Sa’d ibn Mu’aadh.”
When Sa’d ibn Mu’aadh heard what was happening, he was infuriated. He left
his home to go and kill this man called Mus’ab ibn Umayr (RA) for the dissention
he had caused. He entered upon Mus’ab (RA) and announced, “You shall desist of
this religion you speak of or you shall find yourself dead!”
Mus’ab (RA) replied, “Shall you not sit and listen for a few moments. If you
agree with what I say then take it, and if not, I shall desist from this talk.”
Sa’d sat.
Mus’ab (RA) spoke about Allah and His messenger (SAW) until the face of Sa’d
ibn Mu’aadh’s face shone like a full moon and he said, “What should a person do
who wishes to enter into this Deen?”
Look at what a kind word did. Sa’d ibn Mu’aadh went home to his Madinan tribe
that night and announced to them all, “Everything of yours is Haram upon me
until you all enter into Islam.”
That night, every home in Madinah went to bed with Laa ilaaha illa Allah …
all because of a kind word.
Part II: Who wins?
Mu’aawiyah ibn al-Hakam al-Salami. When he came to Madeenah from the desert,
he did not know that it was forbidden to speak during the salaah. He relates:
“Whilst I was praying behind the Messenger of Allah (SAW), a man sneezed, so I
said ‘Yarhamuk Allah (may Allaah have mercy on you).’ The people glared at me,
so I said, ‘May my mother lose me! What is wrong with you that you are looking
at me?’ They began to slap their thighs with their hands, and when I saw that
they were indicating that I should be quiet, I stopped talking (i.e., I nearly
wanted to answer them back, but I controlled myself and kept quiet).
When the Messenger of Allah (SAW) had finished praying – may my father and
mother be sacrificed for him, I have never seen a better teacher than him before
or since – he did not scold me or hit me or put me to shame. He just said, ‘This
prayer should contain nothing of the speech of men; it is only tasbeeh and
takbeer and recitation of the Qur’an.’” (Saheeh Muslim, ‘Abd al-Baaqi edn., no.
537).
Islam showed us how to differ with one another. Some people think that we
should never differ at all and all disagreements should be avoided. Nay, this is
an incorrect assumption, for the Qur’an and Sunnah show clearly that when a
mistake is made it should be corrected. Indeed helping others do what is right
is a requirement of the Deen, sincere Naseeha.
We see when Rasul Allah (SAW) turned away from AbdAllah ibn Umm Maktoom, the
blind man, Allah corrected him in the Qur’an…
[The Prophet) frowned and turned away, Because there came to him the blind
man But what could tell you that perchance he might become pure (from sins)? Or
that he might receive admonition, and that the admonition might profit him?] –
surah Abasa, 1-4
When Haatib ibn Abi Balta’ah (RA) made the mistake of writing to the kuffaar
of Quraysh and informing them of the direction in which the Prophet (SAW) was
headed on a military campaign against them, Allah revealed the words:
[O you who believe! Take not My enemies and your enemies as friends…] - Surah
Mumtahinah/1
And so on. Thus we learn that when a mistake happens it should be corrected.
However, the method of correction is what needs our attention.
Whenever Muslims argue, it is as if each party carries a banner of: ‘I must
win and you must lose!’ Careful study of the Sunnah however shows us that this
is not always the case with the way Rasul Allah (SAW) acted. Consider the
following examples:
“I lose and you win!”
A Bedouin came to Rasul Allah (SAW) and told him, “Give me from what Allah
gave you, not from the wealth of your mother nor from the wealth of your
father.” The Sahabah were furious at the man and step forward to discipline him
for what he said. Rasul Allah (SAW) commanded everyone to leave him.
Then by the hand, Rasul Allah (SAW) took him home, opened his door and said,
“Take what you wish and leave what you wish.” The man did so and after he
completed, Rasul Allah (SAW) asked him, “Have I honored you?” “Yes, by Allah,”
said the Bedouin. “Ash hadu an laa ilaaha illa Allah, wa ashhadu anna Muhammadar
Rasul Allah.”
When the Sahabah heard of how the man changed, Rasul Allah (SAW) taught them.
“Verily the example of myself, you and this Bedouin is that of a man who had his
camel run away. The townspeople tried capturing the camel for him by running and
shouting after the camel, only driving it further away. The man would shout,
‘Leave me and my camel, I know my camel better.’ Then he took some grass in his
hand, ruffled it in front of the camel, until it came willingly.
‘By Allah, had I left you to this Bedouin, you would have hit him, hurt him,
he would have left without Islam and eventually have entered hellfire.”
“I win and you lose!”
A Muslim should not have an apologetic stance to everything he is confronted
with. There are times when the truth must be said, when there is no room for
flattery.
When the Makhzoomi woman – a woman from an affluent family – stole, people
approached Rasul Allah SAW) to have her punishment canceled. Rasul Allah (SAW)
became very angry and stood on the pulpit and announced, “By Allah, had Fatima
the daughter of Muhammad stole I would have cut her hand off.”
No room for flattery, the truth must be stood up for. It is here that the
etiquette of disagreement that we talked earlier about should shine.
“I win and you win!”
There doesn’t always have to be a loser. We see in many cases that Rasul
Allah (SAW) gave a way out for the people he differed with.
When he sent the letter to Caesar, he said in it, “Become Muslim and you
shall be safe, Allah shall give you your reward double!”
He did not say surrender or die! Nothing of the sort. Become Muslim and you
shall win, rather your victory shall be double.
I shall end with this shining example of how to act with other Muslims from
our role model, Abu Bakr (RA):
Abu Bakr (RA) once disputed with another companion about a tree. During the
dispute Abu Bakr (RA) said something that he rather would not have said. He did
not curse, he did not attack someone’s honor, he did not poke a fault in anyone,
all he said was something that may have hurt the other companion’s feelings.
Immediately, Abu Bakr (RA) – understanding the mistake - ordered him, “Say it
back to me!” The companion said, “I shall not say it back.” “Say it back to me,”
said Abu Bakr (RA), “Or I shall complain to the Messenger of Allah (SAW).” The
companion refused to say it back and went on his way.
Abu Bakr (RA) went to Rasul Allah (SAW) and related what had happened and
what he said. Rasul Allah (SAW) called that companion and asked him, “Did Abu
Bakr (RA) say so and so to you?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “What did you reply.”
He said, “I did not reply it back to him.” Rasul Allah (SAW) said, “Good, do not
reply it back to him (do not hurt Abu Bakr (RA)). Rather say, ‘May Allah forgive
you O Abu Bakr!’”
The Companion turned to Abu Bakr (RA) and said, “May Allah forgive you O Abu
Bakr! May Allah forgive you O Abu Bakr!” Abu Bakr (RA) turned and cried as he
walked away.
Let us leave today with a resolve to revive this air Rasul Allah (SAW) and
his companions (RA) breathed, an air of mercy and love and brotherhood
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