A
WIFE
By getting married you are not just getting
a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the
rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your
companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and
your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your
successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you
are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need
help, she will do all she can for you;
When you have a secret, she will keep it;
when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She
will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the
first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day,
she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by
her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for
you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep
at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and
when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In
short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole
world.
The best description that I personally have
ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each
other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "they are
your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al
Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each
other because they provide one another with the protection,
the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that
garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the
winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with
the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in
the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in
the Alaskan journey.
The relationship between the spouses is the
most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and
affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace
and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is
simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these
most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of
Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you
Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..." (Surah Al
Nahl 16:72) Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala
in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can
create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the
hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala
is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe
that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the
signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in
the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created
for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in
tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between
your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who
reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the
human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and
at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love
may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not
properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be
taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant
giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to
remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained,
maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Prophet Muhammad
Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to
the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him but
later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi
wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing
and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is
necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and
disintegrating.
Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah
Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as
the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "one would
be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of
Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his
wife"
Never underestimate the importance of
seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth,
opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the
Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his
knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
Try to always find some time for both of you
to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah
Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own
marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with
Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more
peace at home.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi
wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at
night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi
wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake
the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her
face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife
by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her
advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and
always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi
wa'sallaam said "the best of you are those who are
best to their wives"
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to
love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do
believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough!
It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love
what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also
become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague
who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit
for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your
parents" Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in
the eye and said " I don't like yours either"...
Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you
part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life
after death where those who did righteousness in this
world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70)
and offsprings.
The best example in this regard
is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for
Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those
she loved and continued even after her death. It was many
years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a
goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it
to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the
visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would
pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala."
A talk by Shaykh Abdullah Adhami
Last modified:
July 19, 2007
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