HAVING DIFFICULTY UNDERSTANDING POLYGAMY
Q: He's European, and I'm South Asian. I married my husband because he
is a kind man, he inspires me to be better Islam and has made me understand
things about Islam that I have taken for granted. I have a question about
polygamy. I understand that it is an option in Islam and that the husband has a
right to marry a second wife. I would obey my husband's wishes if he wanted to
marry a second wife for Allah Ta'alah's sake. I have told my husband that I am
ok with his decision. I however feel very hurt and distant myself from my
husband. This other woman is non-muslim, (who's considering to convert) whom he
had loved before meeting me, and he says he still loves her. My husband is a
convert and he says that he married me first because I was muslim and exposed
him to Islam. I understand that my husband is being honest, he says he loves us
both and wants to do the right thing. I want to accept it, but I hurt in seeing
my husband with someone else. Does this make me materialistic and sinful? I want
to be a good muslim, set an example for my husband that I accept Islam fully and
I want to please God. I have no doubts about Islam. My concern is that I'm
having difficulty in accepting polygamy.
A: Jazakallah khair for writing to the institute about your difficulty in
accepting the idea that your husband wishes to take another wife, an option
which is allowed in Islam. Sister, you are but human and it is natural that you
feel the way you do. Nabi's (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) wives also competed
for his affection and there was competition between them too.
Alhamdulillah, you have already earned Allah Ta'ala's pleasure for being His
'instrument' in bringing your husband towards Islam and for helping him to
practice it. For every good deed your husband performs, you too will reap the
rewards thereof. You appear to have much knowledge of your faith and I get the
impression that although you are experiencing pain regarding this issue, there
is an air of resignation in your mail to us. Sister, look towards the greater
rewards you stand to earn in the hereafter for the pain you experience in this
world. It may not be easy for you but insha'allah, try to persevere and ask
Allah Ta'ala for guidance, acceptance of what He has allowed and to grant you
the highest stages in Jannah for this 'loss' that you feel in this world.
Allow me to relate some events a friend of mine told me about when she returned
from a 'jamaat' trip to England. Their group had spent time with a lady who had
invited a night club dancer to Islam and thereafter asked the revert sister to
marry her husband. This lady then went ahead and found another lady whom she
invited to Islam and thereafter promptly asked the lady to be a third wife. At
this point my friend went sort of, "Hold on, what are you telling me? This is
what happened in the times of the Sahaba. I hear what you say but I find it
difficult to understand that you are now actively working towards finding a
fourth wife for your husband".
The lady's prompt reply was (as I recall), " These ladies have accepted Islam
and I wish for them to maintain and practice it. A husband is but part of this
world. I am working towards my hereafter and the rewards which await me there
are nothing compared to this world". She indicated that a husband is but part of
this world, finite and perishable as she is. However, with him she could attain
the best in the aakhirah. May Allah Ta'ala comfort, guide and continue to
cherish you, ameen. Please feel free to write again if you wish.
And Allah Ta'ala knows best.
Sister Fadila
Social dept.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai
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